Category Archives: Humor

The Thing, A Sci-Fi Lullaby

“The Thing, A Sci-fi Lullaby” by Kent Gutschke For Henry Kuttner, Charles T. Webb, and my dog, Rusty   As the funny-shaped thing zips into view— Zigging now zagging past Bill’s Greasy Spoon, Earl roosts on his porch with his old, brown dog, Sipping corn liquor, his brain in a fog.   Earl and his dog […]

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A Frog’s Journey

One day as I banked my car along the curvature of Time and Space, I noticed a small gray object tucked near the windshield wiper.  I craned my neck and saw the object was a small gray frog. He sat braving the winds as my car traveled along the loop.

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The End of the World as We Know It

Evidently the world is going to end. And it’s going to end on September 23, 2015—that’s a Wednesday. It says so on the Internet. And they’re saying it on AM radio tonight. Some people are already backpedaling. Rather than the end of the world, they say “something big” is going to happen. But “something big” […]

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My Zombie Fantasy

I have a zombie fantasy where instead of eating brains, the authors, filmmakers, and fans of the zombie genre all eat shit and die.

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Revenge of the Fallen (A Political Tale)

We’ve all been there—you’re in the market for a reliable car or truck or F-22 and after bringing it home, it transforms into a malevolent robot with aspirations for world domination. This happens is politics—you’re in the market for a representative that lives up to those many campaign promises. Unfortunately when many of these elected […]

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Teleprompterville (A Protest Song)

Today I heard Jimmy Buffett’s “Margaritaville” on the radio and his ennui over a blown out flip-flop reminded me of my ennui over a possible intervention in Syria.  As I listened to his song, I began singing my own song.  Instead of flip-flops and frozen concoctions I substituted snafus and Assad.  So here is my […]

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Man versus Lawn

In his quest for perfection, my dad has entered into unholy alliances with every conceivable model of electric shears and self-propelled lawnmower known to man; he’s of an older generation that takes pride in a beautiful lawn.  One day as I sat in a lawn chair reading a book, his shadow fell over me.  He […]

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A Tale to Astonish

I composed most of this amazing story about our friendly neighborhood web-slinger and Charlie Brown during my R.E.M. cycles. Told in the Mighty Marvel Way (i.e. without restraint or good taste)! The Players in order of appearance: Myself, Charlie Brown, Peter Parker, Sue Storm Mary Jane Watson, and the Silver Surfer.

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Tales From the Rapid Eye (Being Social)

Strange Loop, Texas.  1987. I stood before the toilet holding IT in my hand.  IT was big and fuzzy and IT was wrapped with duck tape.  On the duck tape, I’d written, “Howdy!”

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The Man with the Stereo Pants

First published May, 4, 2008 Years ago I flirted with cut up engines.  Like all flirting, it was short lived, but did produce one short piece from the experiments.  The result is something that’s reminiscent of So I Married An Axe Murder or the Hep Cat beatniks from Pee Wee’s Playhouse.  So when you read […]

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Tales From the Rapid Eye (Ken and Barbie)

Originally published November 2005. One night as Amber and I lie in bed, I asked, “Hey, you ever pretend your Ken and Barbie had sex?” “Nah,” she said, and as she snuggled closer added, “You know I had nine Barbie dolls and a Ken?  I rarely whipped him out—most of the time he sat in the […]

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That’s Surveillance!

On the eve of 2012, our Congress passed and our President signed the National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2012.  Here’s a jingle celebrating the passage of this momentous legislation allowing the continued unconstitutional spying on Americans.

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Patricia Savage, The Bronze Goddess Of Pulp Fiction

“Some bear it better than others.  We Savages, I think carry it poorly.” —Patricia Savage, “I Died Yesterday” (1948) Of all the Doc Savage stories published by Street & Smith during its sixteen-year run, “I Died Yesterday” is unique in being the only story told from Patricia Savage’s point of view.  Who is Patricia Savage?   She […]

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Henry Kuttner’s Galloway Gallagher

Are you a technician or a driveling idiot?  — “The Proud Robot” (1943) The story goes that Galloway Gallagher got his name when his author, Henry Kuttner, called the frazzled protagonist “Gallagher” in the “Time Locker”, then mistakenly called him “Galloway” while writing its sequel.  Kuttner, realizing his error, combined the names and thus, Galloway Gallagher was born.  Whether […]

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Farcebook

I signed into Facebook today and after glancing over and scrolling down the news feed, I wondered, “What the #$%& has happened to us?”

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